Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety comes in all different forms. In this case, I'm referring to me and Emersyn. Parent and child, both suffering from the anxiety of being apart.

Monday was her first day of daycare. I cried Sunday night and had difficulty sleeping. On Monday morning I had a pit in my stomach. Emersyn has been through a lot in her little life and the thought of someone else caring for her makes me nervous. We've spent 5 wonderful months together. She's my cuddle bug, my other appendage, my partner in crime. I went through this with Dylan when he was 12 weeks. Somehow this was different. Maybe it was because she has gone through so much, or maybe it's because we were together for so long. I should be a pro at this but I'm not. Nope not at all. The thought of trying to explain Emersyn, all her likes & dislikes, her eye, and her surgery is exhausting. Oh did I mention her case of stranger danger. She has entered a phase where she cries when others hold her. This is purely our fault. She really hasn't been held by anyone else, well maybe the doctors. Hopefully being in daycare will cure this. All of these factors make me overly worried. I'm a worry wort if you will! I try not to be but I can't help it.

** I started this post at the beginning of the week and now it's the weekend. At this point I'll recap her week.

Monday she didn't really eat or sleep. She was exhausted. I checked on her frequently and fed her during my lunch break. At one point she was screaming so loud they had to take her out of the room. That made sad. I couldn't wait to pick the kids up after my shift. I cried all the way home feeling like a horrible parent. Dylan sat in his seat saying " don't cry Mommy".

Tuesday and Wednesday were a little better. She was napping and eating a little. She's usually my little cow, eating a lot throughout the day. With her not eating as much, I naturally was worried. Her teacher reassured me it was her way of adjusting to the new faces and environment. I spent half of my lunch visiting her. It's an adjustment for both of us. I missed her so much!!

Thursday and Friday she started with a cold. Yup, worried again. She had great days. She napped, she ate, she sat in the swing and bumbo, watched the other babies and even went for a walk. 4 babies in a stroller is too cute! Her cold was present but she handled it well. (Dylan & I are both suffering from Fall colds as well). I did visit her on my lunch breaks but with a different feeling. Since she was doing well, my anxiety decreased. Her teacher stated that for her first week she did extremely well. This transition has been hard on her but harder on me. My visits to her classroom will become less. I don't want her to get in the habit of seeing me. But for now it eases my worries to see that she is okay.

It probably sounds ridiculous that I'm having separation anxiety when she is in the same building, but I can't help it. I love working with children, but my heart is at home. I want to change her poopy diaper, make her laugh, and see her reach milestones for the first time. It was a gift to stay at home. Some will say they are not cut out to be a stay at home Mommy, I on the other hand LOVE it.

Tomorrow we enter week 2. I'm sure Mondays will be difficult as we will re-adjust.

As I've stated in my last post, I hope that one day I can return to being a stay at home Mom.