Old Head vs. New Head

Old Head vs. New Head

A week ago today Emersyn had surgery. I honestly can't believe it's been a week. I feel like it's all a blur or that I've been stuck in a dream. On that note, I'm hoping this post will be therapeutic for me. I'm in a grieving stage.

Let me back up........

I was used to Emersyns old head. While I know she had some difficulties laying on the back of it and I know she really needed surgery, I can't help but miss it. For 12 weeks, that's all I knew and loved. She was so cute to me. I'd calm her by rubbing her head front to back. Now things are different. Her head shape has definitely changed. It's the shape it should be, accompanied by swelling and a large incision that extends from ear-to- ear.

I know the swelling will disappear and the incision will heal. But I can't get used to her new look. From the eyebrows down she looks like my baby, but her head is new and different. I know this is all for the better but I miss her old head. I belong to a forum called Cranio Kids. All of these feelings are normal and I'm not the only one who has felt this way. But, why does it make me feel sad? In one aspect I miss her old head, but now I look at her and know her life will be better because if this surgery. I'm really trying to adjust to all of this. AND as the swelling goes down Emersyn is beginning to look a lot like Dylan!

I feel like a horrible parent for feeling like this. Everyday gets a little better and I fully expect these feelings to subside. Emersyn is my little beauty no matter what!! This process has been a whirlwind if emotions.

As I read this back to Zack I cried. It was a cry that really needed to come out. So I'm hoping this post and talking about it will help.